I'm No Revolutionary

In the wake of all that has happened within the past 72 hours it's easy to feel down to feel like the world is against us. Nothing anyone says at this moment will make an already divided race of people feel any solace., We're angry and we want justice, we want justice by further creating injustice, this doesn't seem like a solution to me.

I'm no revolutionary...

I know that we're tired of being ran over, treated like we are less than...to wake up and  look into the face of a world that seems to have no place for you, no place where you're actually wanted, just tolerated. Its...more than disheartening, all news is bad news.

I am not a revolutionary

Bad cops, drug dealers, rapists, government. A threat at every turn. Even when we're doing right we are questioned of our motives. They'd like to believe that there is no good in us, they'd like to make US believe that there is no good in us. 

I'm no revolutionary...but...

I feel them chuckling when we act just like they want us to. I see them saying "I told you I would break her, told you they're not a civilized people." Though they push us to sudden extremes, we feel rage, we feel anger, we feel hurt we feel sadness, we ARE fed up. 

I have never been a part of "The Revolution"

But this is not how I imagined it. I imagined it being well thought out, well planned and well led. We are an emotional group of people, but I would like to believe that our logic outweighs our need to show brute force. The news doesn't show us at peace, they don't show us being non-violent, they don't show us trying to make it in a world full of vultures where no matter where you go you have to keep in the back of your mind the fact that this person might hate me just because.....

R-E-V-O-L-U......

Its hard, because even in this we are divided! Even in this you have people saying that our brand of revenge was ill planned, and others who think that burning down a gas station was the start of something great. We have some who want others to ignore Robin Williams being dead and to save our RIP's and our prayers for Mike Brown...thats not how praying works...just an FYI

T-I-O-N

We CANNOT band together when we are a race that is so fucking far apart. We divide ourselves on everything. Natural vs. Relaxed. Light vs. Dark. The list goes on but I have other races that read my blog and honestly it is too embarrassing to even go any further with that.

I'm black, and I'm proud to be black and there is no other race I'd rather be, but I'm no revolutionary, not in a field of chaos and anger. All we're doing is yelling at a wall expecting it to crumble by the mere sound of our angry voices. Until we take the time to settle down and formulate some type of solution. Until we stop treating these deaths like a bit of pop culture that we are over once the new Jordan's come out....until then all we will ever be is an angry mob of people.

*heavy sigh* I'm done.

Cut this shit out.

Role Model?

I know that eventually people become role models, for their children, siblings, and other family members, but imagine being that for someone you don't even know...a role model. Its a weird feeling right? Being careful of the things that you do and say, watching how you dress, no pictures with liquor...or no liquor at all, ceasing foul language, walking with your back straight. A rather daunting task if I do say so myself. You guys that know me, know that in normal situations I would never sign up to be ANYONE'S role model. Three years or so ago I could not have been my OWN role model truth be told. 

Isn't it crazy how God forces you into things you never thought you'd actually be apart of? One morning, or one night in the shower all of these ideas hit you, and you refuse to act on them because the time doesn't seem right, but honestly there is no better time. You're thinking "well first I need to get myself together", "I have a few more things that I need to do before I can put 100% into this idea", "maybe its an idea and nothing more." All of these statements are what I like to call show stoppers. We convince ourselves that we aren't ready or that we aren't good enough, only to be forced into these roles anyway, rather we want to be there or not its kind of funny.

For almost two years I have been absolutely curving the idea of this and I still haven't totally accepted this. I'm not ready to grow up, I want to remain a 30 year old child, apparently it's impossible to do so and some of my adult roles have completely grown on me, and I love them. So here's to the start of "Little Girls Big Dreams" I even have a mission statement.

To help young girls realize and pursue their dreams, all while empowering them to believe in themselves and their abilities.

Bear with me as this is a huge work in progress and honestly one of many ventures that have piqued my interest, but I figure if I've been having this same idea for the past two years and haven't worked towards it at all, then it must mean something. This is going to SERIOUSLY test me. Y'all. I suck at planning things, I can't even show up to some things let alone be on time so this entire thing is as surprising to me as it is to some of the people I've told, if not more! Pray my strength as I embark on this journey.

Ciao